hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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