At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
