Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
