We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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