weddingsv make me drug and hornr
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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