Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
