You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
