JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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