If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
