she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
