Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
