omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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