Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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