she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
