I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
