I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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