Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
