Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
