You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
