I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
