We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
