I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
