so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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