if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
