I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
