I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
