She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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