A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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