Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
