I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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