can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
