Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize