I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
