recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
