I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
