Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
