This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize