I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
