i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
