That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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