Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
