you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My penis needs a shock collar
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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