that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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