Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
