I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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