Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
