worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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