I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
