My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
