Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
