I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
