I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
