So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
