cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
