i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
