bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
