Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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