i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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