you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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