I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
