Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
