Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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