So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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