yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
