don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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