I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
