how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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