first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
