Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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