I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
