do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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