How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
