I have demons in me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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