i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
