He uses pillows to masturbate.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
