fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
